We typically you shouldn’t proclaim my personal sexuality immediately upon meeting new people, but i am aware it’s going to probably show up sooner or later if we become buddies. It’s my job to just say that I have a girlfriend and then leave it at this, but that leads some individuals to
think I’m a lesbian
, which bothers the hell off me personally because I never ever said I happened to be and that I’d never ever pick that tag for my self.

1. 
   I have had enchanting feelings for folks who aren’t ladies.
   
   While we presently merely find females attractive and only like to day ladies, I
   found males appealing previously
   . Are we intimately keen on all of them? Instead of most times, but romantic and intimate emotions you shouldn’t always get hand-in-hand. Throughout my personal youth, I broken on different children, but after internet dating some men and doing a bit of soul-searching, I’ve found
   I like women
   . That nonetheless does not eliminate my personal last, and sex tends to be fluid. Possibly I am not keen on guys now, but I might under situations or I might perhaps not. I recently don’t want to get tied up all the way down by the specifics of a «lesbian» mark.
2. 
   Only a few women that have relationships/sex together with other ladies are lesbians.
   
   While I really don’t like getting known as a lesbian, I
   
   am
   
   fairly exclusively into women. But some ladies aren’t.
   Some women are bisexual
   —surprise!—or pansexual or maybe just you should not value gender anyway. Utilizing the phase «lesbian» to explain any lady that is presently with another woman is generally incorrect. Whenever a phrase is often completely wrong most of the time, Really don’t like to put it to use.
3. 
   I am not through the Island of Lesbos
   
   . For folks who do not know, there clearly was a genuine set in Greece called the Island of Lesbos and individuals really reside there. «Lesbian» means people or situations from that island. The definition of «lesbian» in an effort to make reference to homosexual women merely came about for the reason that Sappho, who notoriously had written love poetry about females. (Side note: she additionally had written poetry about adoring males too, however she actually is the best sign to be a «lesbian.» Bisexual erasure much?) Anyway, people from the Island of Lesbos really don’t like individuals
   contacting homosexual females «lesbians
   .» There’s a bit of homophobia to their campaigning against the term, however you still have to admit it is rather foolish to mention to all gay ladies as «from this 1 Greek Island.» Additionally there are way more gay females than people that are now living in Lesbos, so this is specifically vexing to me.
4. 
   Gay and queer tend to be fun words.
   
   I do love stating the word «queer» and describing myself as «gay AF.» Queer can also be an example of reclaiming a term from homophobes, which can be usually amazing. It practically means something thatis only only a little strange, which is perfect for me, and homosexual merely indicates delighted. Precisely why would not i do want to be gay? We must be so fortunate. Easily must pick a label, I’m going to claim that
   I am gay
   . Regard the delighted.
5. 
   I really don’t suit the lesbian stereotype.
   
   I start thinking about myself a part of the LGBTQ+ neighborhood, in addition to great thing in regards to the community is everybody from every stroll of existence should be pleasant assuming that they can be taking. Nevertheless when i believe to be a «lesbian,» I believe like absolutely this mythical neighborhood ones that Really don’t rather squeeze into. Most that is quite old school, but even now there is a large number of supposed «must haves» for lesbians, as if you have to be hostile, use flannel, and hear Tegan and Sara. I really do not one of these circumstances. Since «lesbian» as a term looks very stereotyping in extent, personally i think like basically make use of it, i need to
   comply with stereotypes
   … and I you shouldn’t.
6. 
   I am not femme or butch.
   
   Along side not complying to lesbian stereotypes, I also do not feel like I end up in a category. A lot of people who determine as lesbians consider on their own as «butch» or «femme.» Myself, I feel this defeats the point. I am not gay and so I can emulate a heterosexual pair but to each and every their own. Nevertheless, I am not truly overly male or overly elegant. I enjoy put on gowns, but I
   seldom put on makeup
   or precious jewelry. My personal hair is extended but sometimes i love to wear men’s room clothes. I defy these groups, which feels as though defying becoming a lesbian typically.
7. 
   My sexuality does not define myself.
   
   My personal main beef together with the phase «lesbian» is when you determine together, you must say «I’m
   
   a
   
   lesbian.» Should you say you’re homosexual, you can easily state «i am homosexual.» Linguistics are very important if you ask me because language reflects social values. When individuals use the term «gay,» it is a descriptor. When people utilize the phrase «lesbian,» its an identifier. Being homosexual belongs to my identification, but it’s rarely all I am. It’s just one aspect, thus you shouldn’t cook myself down seriously to only «a lesbian.»
8. 
   I really don’t need to omit non-binary or asexual men and women.
   
   Getting a lesbian seemingly have a stiff description: a lady who is intimately attracted to different ladies. But what if you are a female with someone who’s non-binary? They’re not a lady, even if they are not men, and so the phrase «lesbian» feels incorrect. And
   in case you are asexual, you continue to could have enchanting feelings
   , and maybe you’ve got romantic feelings for the next woman. Can a «lesbian» never be sexually interested in women? It does not matter for me if someone’s ace, non-binary, trans, or whatever they determine because, but utilising the phrase «lesbian» to spell it out myself personally is like I then need omit people who lack a «conventional» sex or gender.
9. 
   I’m not porn.
   
   Lesbian is such one common search phrase in porno.
   You do not notice folks dealing with «gay pornography» that relates to ladies having sex. For the reason that «gay porno» is aimed at gay males and features men sex with one another. But «lesbian porno,» which includes women having sex with one another, is aimed at directly men. Because i am aware this, i’m fetishized anytime I’m known as a lesbian, even if which is not the intention. I just can’t divorce the fetishization of queer women from the phrase. Moreover it reminds me of types bad situations in culture and how typically gay men and women are fetishized, so don’t give me a call a lesbian.